The Powerful Gift of Quiet Candour
All of us live, like it or not, amid swirling currents of ambiguity. As we strive to understand and act as our truer selves. As we operate and try to add value in our work and organisations. As we navigate and seek to nurture our personal relationships and ways of living together.
We know in our bones that these are each inordinately complex concerns. And yet often, when we find ourselves in the thick of these considerations, we constrain ourselves, avoid saying what we feel and think, duck drawing attention to something we sense is really at issue, or stridently over-simplify or minimise what we are involved in. We frequently give in to a conditioned voice in our head saying, “You can’t say that!” and move on feeling we’ve let ourselves down and not done what we could or should.
How may we upend these automatic and socially endorsed avoidances? How should we step more fully into ourselves and act with greater authenticity and agency? How can we put out the welcome mat for others to join us in a better quality of engagement with each other and with our very “messy” worlds?
Pay attention to intention. Making straightforward and honest observations about what you are experiencing is not obstructive, distractive, or destructive. But, especially in the heat of uncertainty, the socially and organisationally sanctioned norms are to join the group think, rationalise and simplify, be opinionated and assertive – and keep anything else to yourself. In seeking to be different in the face of these powerful cultural expectations, know your quiet candour is a powerful gift. It acknowledges and engages with “wicked” issues effectively. It reveals new perspectives and possibilities. It names the un-nameable and permits the impossible. It’s no accident, in the wake of badly handled instances of terrible damage done to patients, that the NHS initiated its juggernaut “Duty of Candour” procedures. Senior figures at NASA rue the conversations they ruled inadmissible in the run up to the Columbia and Challenger tragedies. Speaking up is tricky, and its vital and a gift. Believe it.
It's less what you do, more how you do it. Candour is as much a quality as a process. The attitude you bring as yourself to the task of speaking up is key. Candour begs us to act differently than we are often encouraged to. It is made as an offer and perspective, not an ultimatum or argument. It is personal but ego-free. It is honest, open, straightforward and without malice or deceit. Its spirit is curious not judgemental. It springs from humility and compassion. It is a personal observation of what is seen or experienced rather than a generalised opinion about what might be at work. It invites development and contribution and does not seek to exclude or be the truth. The counter-cultural nature of this approach demands self-care; be aware but not afraid of contextual constraints and boundaries. It’s a different mindset, and that’s a challenge. Centre yourself.
You don’t do it alone, you do it with others. The pointy-elbowed, loud, competitive cut-and-thrust of so many of our corporate and personal interactions mitigate against candour and its generative possibilities. As well as showing up with quiet resolve as yourself, seek to create an inviting and psychologically safe space for others to join in the sharing of unreserved and artless frankness. Slow down and reduce the volume. Quietly share your personal observations of behaviours and processes and avoid opining about motivations. Be confident but invite contributions about what you offer. Show you listen to others and are curious about their views. Allow silence and thinking time. Surface and explore the difficulties that some may find in participating. Ask what might help them be more open and confident. Draw attention to the collective benefits of what is happening. Candour is infectious, but must be incubated. Grow it with others.
Book a free discovery session with an Oasis coach by clicking on the button below.